Christmas with family

Christmas was great with family this year :) Even though a child would have made things so much better, we had a great time :).

We went to Travis's parents house on Christmas eve and then that evening we went to my parents. On Christmas Day we went to my grandparents house down in Hickory.

Here are a few pictures of the evening (I will add some from his parents house when I get them).


My gift from Travis (well, I picked them out a while ago)

Me and my brother, sister and parents. 

  Travis and I at my grandparents house

Update on Foster Care...

I thought I should post something since I haven't posted since October!!! I am a bad blogger :-/.

Lets see.. nothing new really.

November 19 was our last MAPP class (the classes needed for foster care) so we are officially done with that. Alice (our social worker) came out and did our homestudy, which we passed of course :). The fire marshal came out and looked at our house, which we passed as well. Travis also did his CPR/First Aid course and we turned in all our final paperwork a couple weeks ago. I figured with the holidays, it will take a while for our social worker to get everything together and sent it, which is fine. We have to have one more home visit and wait for our social worker to send it all in, and then wait some more. We were told that the wait could take up to 40 days, so we are looking like Spring before we can accept any children.

Other than that, we couldn't be more ready!!! The holidays would have been great-no-AWESOME-with a child (or 2) but God has perfect timing and He knows which perfect child will soon be in our home!!! We are so excited. So until then, just keep praying.

Nursery Pics

I guess I never did post pics of the nursery. We finally got the crib together, we have had it since last year but never had it in me to put it together. I was always afraid I wouldn't get a baby if I did put it together. We finally realized we needed it together since we will eventually get a child through foster care, whether they are our forever baby or not!

So here are a few pics of the nursery.

We absolutely can not wait to have a child in there!!! May it be for a couple of weeks, years or forever. We eventually will get a toddler bed to go in there as well!! We are so excited for this adventure to begin and know that God is the real reason we are going through this :). Its all His plan and we just need to go with the flow and accept His plan in all we do :) Please continue to pray for us during this time as well :)

The Bible and Infertility

I posted on this topic once before on my infertility blog, but it's been on my mind lately. How there was also infertility linked in the Bible.

Yes, even way back then, there was women w/ infertility... 


Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth
Just to name a few...

There are many stories of women in the Bible who struggle with infertility and the pain of not having children.

The Bible not only shares the stories of these "barren women" but also offers hope and comfort during these times.

God indeed is the creator of life and the God of comfort and peace.

I will share some of their stories from the Bible and other verses that offer hope to those who may also consider themselves "barren" today.

But more important than finding out about the stories of these women is the possibility of finding our own hope in this journey; to be encouraged in whatever stage of our journeys we are at.


Sarah's Story 
the wife of Abraham

Sarah is married to Abraham. She is unable to conceive, although married for many years. Eventually she is not only unable to conceive but beyond childbearing years. (ie she is old as well...)

Ironically she is married to Abraham who has been promised descendants that will number like the stars in the sky and the sand on a beach. A great promise and yet for Abraham and Sarah, the fulfilment seems beyond all reach.

It is at this point that The Lord comes to Abraham once more.

"Then the LORD said, I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son. Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him.

11 Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing.

12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought,
After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?

13 Then the LORD said to Abraham, Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?'

14 Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son.

And the result??? Not long after this Sarah and Abraham's son Isaac is born, one of the great patriarchs of the Jewish people.

"For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37)


What does the story of Sarah teach us? 

God is faithful to his promises. What he promised to Abraham and Sarah he was faithful in fulfilling. God does not make this exact same promise to each of us but we do learn something else from Sarah's story:
God is the giver of life and he can bring about miracles. We do not know what God may be doing in our lives - even when it seems like he is not doing anything at all.
God can surprise us!

Hannah

Hannah's Story
Hannah is perhaps best known for her struggle with infertility.


The book of 1 Samuel begins with the verses
"1 There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. 2 He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none." (1 Samuel 1:1-2)

I always reflect on what could be worse than feeling you have disappointed your husband by not being able to get pregnant? To be one of your husbands two wives, always being compared to her and her abundance of children. Not only was her husbands other wife extremely fertile; it was not a healthy relationship...

"6 And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7 This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. 8 Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" (1 Samuel 1:6-8)

Yet one thing I love about the image we have of Hannah in the Bible is of her honesty and of her pouring out her pain and heartbreak to God. Rather than become bitter and turn from God she reaches out to him at her time of need and calls on him to answer her prayer.

"10 In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. 11 And she made a vow, saying, "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."
12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine."
15 "Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." (1 Samuel 1:10-16)

And God answers her prayer. And this answer is Samuel, who becomes a famous priest of God.
What does the story of Hannah teach us?
What do we learn from Hannah?

God wants us to turn to him. We don't have to pretend we are without pain, but can give this to God and know that he can answer our prayers.

"In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD."
In Hannah's words - "I am a woman who is deeply troubled... pouring out my soul to the LORD... out of my great anguish and grief." (1 Samuel 1:10-16)

There is no pretense that she is not hurting, not blindly trusting God but really wrestling with the pain of infertility.

I know that I too can take my pain to the creator of the universe and pour out my soul to him.

Moving right along...

We are moving right along with our foster care classes, or MAPP classes as they are called. We got our "roadwork" last week and it was to start on our profiles. Its about 30 or so pages (front and back mostly) about questions about our marriage, the way we were raised, about how we would discipline, etc. All these questions are asked so the people looking over our papers will know how great of parents we will be!! I hope we will be great ones :).

Included in with our profile (the stack of papers) is going to be some pictures of Travis & I, our house (including the child's room, so we need to fix it up and take some pics), our pets, our yard, and neighborhood. I guess we'd better get started taking pics! We are also supposed to include a summary of ourselves and a letter to the child's parent(s). I think the letter will be the most difficult... how do you write that you are going to take care of their child for as long as they need to be, and love that child as if he/she was your own for only a short time? Def will be something we will have to pray upon before writing!

Other than that, nothing is really going on in our lives. Nothing exciting anyways. I'm trugging along w/ my classes, Trav is busy teaching on Tue nights and then doing the football games, we both are involved in the High Country Youth so we have events that go along with that.

If some of you are wondering if we are still TTC (trying to conceive a baby), well... we sort of are but aren't using any meds or dr interventions. I did start on a new supplement called Pregnitude. It seems to be doing good things so far. I am almost done w/ my 1st box. People claim you have to give it 3-6 months to start working, so I guess I will :).

I am so happy that Fall has finally arrived. I love this time of year!!! The sad part is that I need to start working on the outside of the house before it gets too cold and I need to start buying Christmas gifts!

Other than that, we are just enjoying life :)

Labor Day holiday

YAY for being off work and getting to spend the day at home with Travis.... doing nothing... NOT!
(Yay for being at home and spending time w/ Travis but I have lots of stuff to do).

I have decided to sign up for the Wee-Cycle Home Goods & Adult sale that is taking place in the next coming weeks. I have to sort through our clothes, print tags (first buy ink and card stock paper), tag things (and buy safety pins) and hang them all according to size. This should be fun! I am hoping it will provide a little extra money so we can get a few new pieces of clothes to replace the ones we just sold :). Poor Travis needs work pants!!

I also have house cleaning and homework to do today. I also wanted to get some yard work done and some things done around the house to prepare for MAPP training. I have found a great blog from a young couple who are going through the foster to adopt process and she has a lot of helpful information on there! I know all states are different but its still helpful :).

Its kind of sad when our day off consists of cleaning and doing yard work rather than going out and having fun! Either way, I'm glad to spend it w/ my honey :)

Been a while...

Its been a while since I have posted on here.

Nothing new in the fertility world... I keep hoping and praying for God to bless us in His time, not ours. You would think after 5 1/2 yrs I would be used to this... but I'm not. It hasn't gotten harder, or easier, just about has stayed the same. Please be praying for us because it just is something that will never leave... that we can't have a biological child. Yes, God does perform miracles EVERYDAY... and we are holding onto hope for one, but you never know the plans He has for us...

With our embryo adoption/donation we learned a lot. We learned about our faith, ourselves, how to lean on each other and that there are people who really care and have hope for us. We got to know a great couple and a great group of doctors. I was thankful for that opportunity, as hard as it was in the end.

Travis & I decided to start back up with adoption. We decided to start the MAPP training to become foster parents. We started the classes last year but stopped after a few weeks because we just did not feel it was the right thing to do at that time. I feel much more at ease with things now, and am ready to help out a child's life. I am not sure that we will be able to accept a child for a short period of time and watch  him/her go back to their home, where I will be unsure about their well-being but I will pray my heart out before every decision we make. We are going into it with the intentions to eventually adopt. We will get our foster care license and then attempt to work with an agency in NC. If a child comes up for adoption in the foster care system, that'd be great too! We will just go with the flow and see where God leads us. I found a few great opportunities for fundraising that I do not have to buy anything ahead of time that I will be sharing in another post. We did great with the bracelet fundraiser, and still have some if people need to/want to purchase any (just let me know). Since the embryo adoption/donation took a lot of our adoption funds (the transfer, an attorney, counseling, Dr appts, shipment of embryos, storage, meds, etc) we will need to start fundraising over again if we want to work with an agency. I understand that if we want to adopt via foster care, it is basically free to us, but we wanted to have some saved for when/if we need to use an agency. I know if we are meant to adopt through an agency, the funds will come. After we have our home study we can apply for grants to help with the process. Its all in God's time... and we will keep in prayer for our child...

Since I am the type of person who has to plan EVERYTHING, I have already started planning our house, and our future child's room, for the home study. Thanks to my awesome parents we have the furniture for the  child's room (we have had this since last year, just haven't put much of it together) and I already have thoughts of how I want it to look (in my mind, and possibly my Pinterest board-;)). Since we do not know if we will have a boy or girl, an infant or toddler or even more than one child, we are preparing the room to fit an infant and toddler and gender specific. We just finished our kitchen over the summer and I really like how it turned out!!! Travis did a GREAT job! We also bought the floor for our bedroom so we can finally get rid of that dreaded white carpet. Other than that, there isn't much we can do before bc there has to be a certain amount of time in between our physicals and when we are done w/ everything (something like that. lol).

Classes started back. Enough said! ha ha. I am taking 2 classes this year at Western Carolina for my B-K degree. I have about 6 more classes left and then about 3 to finish up my concentration (which is Child Development). I hope that finishing school will open up new opportunities for Travis & I. We'll see. The classes are going okay, they just started last week though. I am taking Health and Wellness and Child Psychology. I think they will both help me out with my job and my personal life :).

I have also started calorie counting (thanks mom!) and hopefully will be able to lose some weight, we'll see. I really need to get back into better shape and become healthier so when I do become a mom, I'm not a fat mom that wont play w her kids. Lol.

Other than all that... nothing much going on. I'm ready for fall, cooler weather, the holidays and family time :).

Anything new?

Nope.
Nothing really new with us and our ttc adventures. I had lots and lots of lab work drawn last month to check for Recurrent Pregnancy Loss levels and see if anything was elevated to signal maybe why the embryos didn't take and result in a pregnancy. Of course, everything came back normal and the Dr said he didn't see why I couldn't get or stay pregnant.

In a way, I'm sad nothing was wrong, but then in a way I'm glad nothing was wrong. I know that sounds crazy and I'm not sure if I can explain why I feel that way. Ha Ha.

So for now we are just going to go along with things, pray for a miracle and just have fun with each other. We are taking a vacation to Th Outer Banks in July and hope that we will have a great time! Other than that we are just living one day at a time.

Dear babies,

Thursday, April 19th was the very first time we ever got to see what you looked like. That was the very first time that we fell in love with you. The moment they put you two in my uterus was the moment that I knew, for those few days (until tests proved otherwise) I was pregnant. We knew what it was like to be parents-to-be. We wanted to do everything right, everything the drs said to do. Not to eat the wrong things, move the wrong way, or do the wrong stuff. Your  mother was very careful at work and didn't lift too much weight, didn't eat anything wrong, and just sat and talked to you daily. You were very much loved and cared for at even 6/7days old. People may think we are crazy for thinking of you as our babies so early on, but that is the closest we have ever bee to parents, in our lives. We enjoyed every moment, every shot, every patch, every itch from the patch, every bit of it!

Tuesday, May 1 was the supposed to be the best day of our life... it was supposed to be the day that we would learn in 9short months you would be making your appearance and we would be forever a family. Sadly, that is not how it happened. At 1:00 we got a phone call, THE call. The call that said "I'm sorry, but you're number was negative and you are not pregnant". That was the hardest day-ever. It was a very rough time. We will never know what you will look like, if you were boys or girls, if you would have had blonde hair or brown hair, what color eyes you would have. What would your names have been? Would have liked them? Would Bella and Vince love you just as much? Were we going to be good parents? We will never know the love of being parents, at least not now. God knew He needed you in Heaven more than we needed you here on earth. He knew that you were loved so much and by so many that you will be missed a lot.

Please know it was nothing that was done by you, or us, but that it was just something that happens. We will always love you and hold you in our hearts.

Mommy & Daddy...

The Lord gives... and the Lord takes away...

I am sure my title hints as to what this post is about.

My beta for this transfer was Tue, May 1. I was 12 days past transfer (so around 17dpo). I hadn't really felt many symptoms that probably weren't from the progesterone (double) or the estrogen patches. I tested at 9 days past transfer and it was negative so I just knew that this wasn't the month. I just knew God needed our babies in Heaven more than we needed them with us.

Travis & I went to Lyndhurst to see Kathy and get my blood drawn. She said she'd call at noon. From 9am-12 was the LONGEST wait of my life-ever!!! I was a nervous wreck. We went to the movies to take our minds off of it. Ha! About 1:00 I noticed I had a voicemail. I went to the bathroom to listen. I was never so nervous in my entire life!!

Then I heard the words "Crystal, Im so so sorry but the test was negative". I just lost it. I sat on the floor of a PUBLIC BATHROOM, next to the toilet and cried like a baby. I cried good, and hard, for a good 30 min or so. I finally gained my composure and went back into the movies. We left and decided to not go home. Travis took me to dinner and we hung around.

We finally went home and it was so hard. It was hard to see the babies pictures and know they will never be.I put their pictures in a photo album, along with the ultrasound picture. I just cried and cried. God is holding them now. He knows if they were boys or girls, what their names would have been, what they would have looked like. Its funny think of what color hair they would have had, what color eyes. What they would have been when they grew up, or who they would have married. Would they have loved Bella, Vince and Oreo as much as we do? Would they wear glasses or need braces? I just sit and think of them, our babies, from time to time.

We had been through so much, and endured this for so so long, I just thought this was THE month. The time that God would finally say "Here, these are your babies to love forever". But He didn't. No, I am not blaming God, or anyone. This is no one's fault.

This is the hardest, but greatest experience we have ever been through. And we would go through it again, if the chance approaches. I know that God put those great people in our lives for a reason. That He had a reason for this and a reason to take them back to Heaven. I may never know the reason, but I know that it is good, bc its of God.

It will take time, but we know that with God by our side, we will have the best thing ever one day-a miracle that was sent to us, by Him.

 

1dp5dt

1 day past 5 day transfer! (that's what my title means).

Transfer went good, babies looked great! I am feeling good, crampy but good.
Here is a pic of our babies

and here is a picture of where they put them (where I'm pointing to is where they put them)

praying for the next couple of weeks for a POSITIVE beta!!! I'm so excited for this great opportunity!!! (and so is Travis)

2 days!!

2 more days until the big day!! I am so excited. My excitement is way greater than my fear/nervousness! That's a great thing ;). God knows what he's doing!

Let me back up and start with last week.

April 11 I had a Dr appt to check my uterine lining. All looked great, 13mm, and so I started my PIO, doxycycline, and medrol that following Sat.

April 17 (today) I had an appt to check my estrogen and progesterone levels and they looked great! however, Dr Katz decided to start me on a new med... Crinone. It is a vaginal gel, but is also progesterone. Just to keep things looking great!

I also got the call to take my Valium at 10:30 on Thur and be at the first floor of the dr office for our transfer at 11:00. I'm praying so hard that our babies make it out of freeze. I'm a TAD nervous they wont, but am faithful that God knows what He's got going on ;)

Until then.....

1 week 3 days

Until my fet! I am getting very nervous but am very excited at the same time. I am hopeful that this works. I pray everyday for God to bless us, in His time. I know that there is no guarantee that this will work, but I have a feeling in my heart that it will :). God would not let us get this far for no reason!

Nothing really new. I started the estrogen patches about 2 weeks ago. I am up to 4 patches every other day now. I haven't had too bad of side effects from them. Tired and cold one min, hot the next. I am also starting to break out and get itchy from them. Ugh! ALL worth it though! I go Wed for my scan and if everything looks good (which I'm praying it will) then we are set for the transfer on April 19th :).

Next week I start Medrol (a pill that will help my body not reject the embryos), Doxycicline (antibiotic) and PIO (Progesterone shots in oil) 2 times a day. I will be doing all those along with my vit e, baby asprin, prenatal, glumetza, dh and the estrogen patches. i'm like a walking pharmacy!

Please be in prayer that God will answer our prayers, in His time. Like I said, I'm getting very nervous but at the same time I feel a peace about things, hard to understand.

What is a blastocyst? What is a Frozen Embryo Transfer?

Not our baby, but that is a picture of a day 6 blastocyst! We have got 2 of those, frozen and ready for use :)

A frozen embryo transfer (FET) is much like an IUI. The dr will put the embryos in a catheter and insert them directly into my uterus :). I lay on the table for about 30 min afterwards and then go home and do best rest for 2 FULL days!

Here is a pic of the FET I found online.

Medication protocol

So for our medication for this FET, I will need to be on estrogen patches (Vivelle) starting now until I think 12 weeks pregnant. I started them last night. I place one little patch on my tummy and change it every other day.

I started with one patch, then will move to 2 patches, then 3, then eventually 4 patches every other day! 6 days before April 19 I will start on Progesterone shots! Eick! Travis will do these in my bottom. Once in the morning and once in the evening until about 12 weeks pregnant as well.

I will be one medicated woman :)

Introduction

I thought I'd start a new blog. Yes, I have a ttc one and an adoption one. I wanted something different for our new adventure that God brought us upon.... something new.

Back in November 2011 I was approached by a friend of mine that I met online about her and her husband donating Travis & I her two remaining frozen embryos. We were amazed and in awe of this generous gift! Travis & I prayed about it and we said YES!

We set up an appointment immediately with Dr Katz at REACH in Charlotte, NC (after discussing with my nurse at Lyndhurst and talking with Travis about where we should go). We met with Dr Katz on Dec 6, 2011. We had a great first visit with him! he told us all about what we needed to do and we met w/ the finance person about what insurance would cover (nothing since we maxed it out). Our next step was to meet w/ a counselor, an attorney and get lab work done. We met with an attorney in town on Jan 3 (or Jan 4, idr which) and he said it was doable! We got to work immediately with him! We had an appointment with our therapist in Charlotte at the beginning of Jan and then we were cleared with her! Everything was set to go :). The other couple had to go have counseling done as well and some lab work too. After all that was done, we waited... and waited some more.

That brings us to where we are now. :). I met with Dr Katz again March 6 (day 1 of my cycle). We met w/ Marcey (my nurse coordinator) and went over the meds, more contracts were signed and then again we met with the finance person. The lab drew some blood work, which all came back great, and then we were on our way! I was to start birth control pills that evening.

I stopped birth control pills on Wed, March 28 and no period came. I had had some spotting since the Saturday before so I called my nurse, Marcey and asked her about it. She sent me to Lyndhurst to see Kathy yesterday. I got the call last night that everything looked great so I started my Vivelle patches last night :)

Estimated transfer date is April 19th :) The embryos (2 of them-6 day old) are snug and waiting for us at the lab in Charlotte :).

We are so excited and so blessed to be on this journey! It will be great and wonderful, but most of all, it will produce our baby(s)!!!